In this broadcast, Carl takes the time to reveal one of the most powerful concepts from the book of Genesis, namely the, Shame, Fear, Control triangle, which has a tremendous impact on our daily lives. If we are not careful, life’s blows can steer us into a form of witchcraft, in the form of manipulation, intimidation or bullying for the purpose of achieving our own will. This is a serious broadcast, in which the motivations of the heart are revealed and how we can overcome the root of rejection in our lives. Get ready for a powerful broadcast…
Here is a complete transcript of the broadcast (below)…
Friend, welcome to part two of God’s Remedy for Rejection. Today we’re talking about the SFC triangle. That’s the Shame, Fear, and Control triangle. From our source text, Genesis 3:10, and let me read it for you now, “So he, Adam, said, I heard your voice, God, in the garden. I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself.” Friend, when the glory of God left Adam and Eve for the first time, they’ve never experienced a time without his glory. When that happened, there was a vacuum. Because the glory had left, they felt afraid and they felt naked, okay? They felt exposed, and as a result, they hid themselves. What did they do? They tried to grab fig leaves to hide their shame. It’s the fear, shame, and control cycle. Afraid, naked, and hid. Because I’m afraid of being shamed or embarrassed or humiliated, I’m going to control situations or circumstances to prevent further shame.
Because I’m afraid of being shamed or embarrassed, etc., etc. It’s a triangle. It’s a circuit. It’s a circle that can never be broken unless God breaks it, friend. But let me ask you this. What’s your fig leaf? What are you hiding behind? Do you have one of those veneers where everything looks great from the outside, but secretly you have shame, okay? You’re struggling with pornography. You’re struggling with whatever it is, you know, overeating, addiction to food. Addictions, friend, I believe, are the manifestation or fruit of the root of rejection. Addictions are merely the twig or branch of the tree, and we’re going to get into that later on.
People are seeking temporary relief from the pain in their heart, so they go for that food or the drug or the beer or whatever else to get that temporary happiness that, once it’s gone by, that hurt in the heart returns. But friend, when people feel shame and they’re afraid of not being enough or appearing to not be enough in front of other people, they control. And then the next question is, how do they control? Well, there’s three ways they control. Manipulation, intimidation, and domination. Manipulating people and or circumstances to hide the fact that they don’t want to be exposed for who they really are. And friend, Jesus is your covering, okay? He is the glory that has covered you if you’re born again, and I pray that you be spirit-filled as well. But if you’re born again by God’s Spirit, He is covering you, okay? His glory is within you. It speaks about it in the Gospels. The glory has returned inside of you. You can partake of that. You don’t have to control circumstances anymore, okay? If you’re trying to manipulate people without them even realizing it, if you’re bossy and intimidating or bullying, these are actually aspects of witchcraft. Yes, I said it.
They’re actually aspects of witchcraft and arguably are rooted in a Jezebel spirit. You know about Jezebel. You can read in your own time. A famous person. But Jezebel, the wicked witch, needed, not the wicked witch of the West, the wicked witch Jezebel needed a weak Ahab. She needed the passive male in that relationship because she was the boss, right? She was the one who manipulated, intimidated, and dominated the man of God, Elijah. But Elijah resisted, okay? But he had issues, man. He was going to commit suicide himself because he was worn down by the spirit of Jezebel that wanted to take the authority that was God’s and manipulate it, okay? Friend, I’m speaking about some serious things today. Some deep things. And people can be operating in witchcraft without even realizing it, okay? Because the scripture says in 1st Samuel that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. And if you have a deep insecurity, if you have a deep rejection and that’s not resolved, it can actually lead to rebellion. And we’re going to study Saul’s life shortly. That’s King Saul. But the shame, fear, and control mechanism goes on all the time. Everybody’s pretending to be fantastic on Facebook or whatever else.
I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re all okay, right? No, we’re not all okay. Very few of us have the courage to look inwardly and address the shortcomings that we have in our lives. But we can’t fix them ourselves. The fig leaf isn’t going to hide the issue from God. The fig leaf’s a joke, okay? God can see through the veneer. He can see through your showy attitude of having it all together and go, no, when you were hurt when you were 11 years of age, that’s never been resolved still. And that’s why you’re acting the way you do. And friend, if that’s you, if you feel convicted or just exposed today, and you feel shame rising up, say, Lord, heal me. Touch my heart. Show me the area, Lord. And I believe that, friend, as you ask the Lord this, he is going to heal you, friend. And I’m going to pray before this entire teaching is out, I’m going to pray for you that you be healed. So stay tuned, amen? And then we have the scales of guilt and shame. On one side of the scale, we have blame. And on the other side, we have guilt and shame. Some people feel guilt because of offense that they have caused you. But instead of asking you for forgiveness, they blame you instead for it. Oh, well, I’m doing this because, you know, it’s your fault. I behave the way I do because you’re making me and, huh, what? How can that be possible? You can’t make someone do that. That’s their choice. Everybody has free will.
Everybody is responsible for their own choices in life, okay? People who want to be victims want to blame everybody for everything, and they never want to look in the mirror. Friend, it’s getting salty, okay? Some people are so rejected, they never want to admit fault. They will even deny reality. Deny reality rather than admitting fault for themselves. And this is how abuse begins in relationships. The other person is getting blamed for everything, but the abuser is never admitting fault, never admitting his or her own accountability. So what happens is with this scale, when you forgive someone, they no longer have anyone to blame. This tips the scale and blame lifts up, right? So there’s no blame anymore. And on the other side, guilt and shame comes tumbling down on that person’s head because then they got no one to blame, man.
You’ve already said, you know what, I forgive you. So there’s no one to blame, right? So then they have to deal with their own conscience, and some people can’t deal with their own conscience, friend. They don’t want to look in the mirror. The thought of looking in the mirror for their own actions and being accountable to God’s word and being a doer of the word of God instead of a hearer only, that is too painful for them. Remember that guilt is knowing that you have sinned or committed an offense. Shame is a condition of humiliation or disgrace caused by guilt. Blame finds fault or holds responsible somebody, often others, to avoid feeling guilt. Some people don’t want to feel the guilt or even the conviction of the Holy Spirit, who’s reminding them that some issues need to be dealt with. They’re in denial, okay? Not only is denial a river in Egypt, it’s a place where people go when they don’t want to face their problems, amen? So what are the three ways that people respond to rejection? I would say there’s three ways. And friend, when I’m going through this list, ask yourself, does any of this resonate with you? Can you relate to any of these three categories of people? Number one, some people are defensive, right? They’re like a cat. This person builds a wall around themselves for protection. Consequently, they’re unable to experience intimacy from others or from God, okay? You could point something out in their life.
They get upset very rapidly. Who are you talking to? Don’t talk to me like that. You’ve got your own problems too. It’s not just me. They’re defensive, okay? It’s like they want to lash out. They don’t take criticism very well. Even if it’s constructive criticism, they just can’t take it, okay? And people are defensive, right? Then we have the second category, which is the fighter. Man, the fighter is so wounded, he fights everything and everyone. They think of every person as a threat because every person has wounded them. Therefore, all people are a potential threat. And this rejection leads to resentment, bitterness, and even hatred, and eventually rebellion. As I mentioned in King Saul’s case, 1 Samuel 15,:23 says, “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft” in reference to King Saul. He was insecure, okay friend? We’re going to talk about him shortly. But the ones who appear to have it all together on the outside often don’t. So do not be deceived by outward appearance, but God looks at the heart, amen? Now, the third person who responds to rejection does it passively. And this is perhaps the most dangerous of all because it’s almost like internally they’ve given up. They offer no resistance to evil. They just don’t resist. They just go with the crowd. Anything for acceptance, okay? But they choose the path of self-destruction, of addiction, of cutting, hurting themselves, and eventually suicide, accepting the thought that they’re better off dead than feeling the pain of living. Oh friend, if you’re a teenager listening to me, stop cutting yourself.
You’re cutting the temple of God. Don’t do it, okay? Get in your Bible, crack it open, shout out to God and say, Lord, touch my heart. Be earnestly seeking the Lord. Be hungry, be thirsty, okay? You’ve got nothing to lose, friend. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You’re a teenager, for heaven’s sake. You’ve got so much ahead of you. You’re only beginning your journey with God, okay? And the wonderful things that he has planned for you. Don’t be passive, friend. Passivity doesn’t gain any kind of victory. Neither does it overcome. So the three categories of those who respond to rejection are either defensively, they fight, or they’re passive. And I would say to you, friend, don’t be any of those. Say, Lord, I’m going to respond in the same way Jesus did, and the Holy Spirit’s going to help me, amen? So let’s get back to Saul, King Saul. Scripture records that on three occasions, King Saul rebelled against the word of the Lord directly.
Despite being head and shoulders above everyone else, in 1st Samuel 10, verse 23 through 24, he looked like a king, man. He was head and shoulders. He was looking like the dude. However, in his heart, Saul was insecure, and this manifested eventually in rebellion. And this is a word of caution for us. I even believe, what, Saul was hiding in the baskets or whatever? I need to go and check it there before I spat out on the radio and just ad lib. But he was hiding, wasn’t he? Under the rugs or in the blankets or something, because he’s like, hey, we’re going to announce the king. And Saul’s, like, hiding. You know, there’s an indication something’s not right there, friend. So the first instance was that his children would lose their kingly heritage, that they could have had, okay? Saul could have carried on through Jonathan and that lineage. But in 1st Samuel 13, Saul makes an offering as king when he should have waited for Samuel. He stepped outside of his anointing. He stepped outside of his office. And that was to his detriment. He didn’t wait, okay? And impetuous people, I’m getting convicted, but impatient people are often struggling sometimes with insecurity or rejection, because they’re not waiting on the Lord.
They’re not believing that God can come through for them, right? Then number two, Saul’s ministry and kingship was stripped from him. Very sad in 1 Samuel 15, because he did not destroy all of the Amalekites as the Lord commanded. He didn’t wipe out everything. But number three, Saul’s physical life was cut short as the Lord delivered him into the hand of the Philistines to die with his son Jonathan. In 1st Samuel 28, friend, rebellion can actually lead to our lives being cut short. And I’ve talked about that on previous broadcast about, is there a time to die? But friend, rebellion really commences in the teenage years. And the way a teenager responds to his parents will soon be the way that he or she responds to God’s authority. You see, all levels of authority are going to be tested by the rebel, right? And really, the classic example of this is the teenager who’s rebellious and he can’t stand his parents. He’s like, I can’t stand living with my parents. He’s always fighting them, not tidying up his room. He’s had a little taste of rebellion. He’s testing the boundaries of authority. What does he say? I can’t stand this. I’m going to go and join the army. Wait a minute, dude.
You’re going to join the army? You’re going to exchange one meager level of authority for a much bigger measure of authority? The generals, the majors, those in authority, the sergeant majors are going to grind you to dust if you resist them. They are going to put up a fuss, get in your face, physically, mentally, and emotionally discipline you until you conform to their measure of authority. And friend, we should obey authority by default, unless that authority is causing us to disobey God’s word, of course. But generally, we should submit to authority figures in our lives. But we’ll pick this up tomorrow.
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